The Ever-Evolving World Through Her Eyes


Changes
August 22, 2008, 6:12 am
Filed under: lebanon, life | Tags: , , , , ,

It’s interesting how life takes us on journeys our hearts don’t really even realize what we’re getting ourselves into. And here I am, months later, years older, heart fuller. I left Beirut, like I left this blog, in the middle of the night as a runaway in the dark. It was almost as if I had left a note on her bed as a way to say goodbye because there is no good way to really say goodbye. So farewell Beirut, I said as I walked her streets for the last time. My Beirut, Lady of the World (Ya Beirut Ya Sit a Dunia), I miss you, I miss you already. I climbed into the car and as we pulled out onto the highway, the wind filled my hair with life. I looked at my hands, these hands that held hands here, compiled thoughts into journal entries, provided comfort, ate soul nourishing food, held faces, babies, and flowers. These hands that seemed not apart of myself, felt new with memories that didn’t belong to me or had only seemed a wonderful dream. A dream in which I was able to walk the streets my tata last walked sixty years ago as a little girl. I’ve slept in beds that my tata’s sister sang her kids to sleep in. For once in my life, I was living with people who looked like me, had similar crazy families, and was able to hear arabic everywhere I turned.

And then I had to leave. For what? Why leave this home that as I stepped onto it’s streets I had this visceral reaction run from my stomach to the rest of my body? Why leave loves for so many people, so much family, and so much belonging?

Because my work here, my life in this country, the US is calling me, no matter how much I’d like to say otherwise. My approach is different this time; no more 12 hour work days, and crazy long conference calls. My desire to live every day as an example of what future I want to create is overriding every other tool or means to an end.

In order to do that, I’ve enrolled in Gaia University, which is sort of like a low residency program, working on projects with the help of advisers; this also gives my restless self the ability to travel around.  I step out on my own again, to re-remember who I am and who I am becoming. I search for the divine within myself to guide my steps.  I surround myself with this earth’s beauty, with her children, and her love.

Come Join me.

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

i’m in north carolina with a friend and her family right now so i could only really skim the blog, but it looked beautiful as usual, and i look forward to catchin up with it (and you!) when i get back to ny 🙂
love shannon.

Comment by shannon

I feel you! LEAVING HOME… to work for it, to do what you got to do, what you are meant to do, to make your little/big ripples/waves in the world ~ for it, and yourself…

Gaia sounds cool too!

Comment by Kayla

Hey Shadia-

It’s been almost a year since I saw you and last spoke to you. A lot has happened since then for you, as I have just read all the posts you wrote since May. I would love to hear about some of the experiences sometime. I actually was in India for three months (March to June) and thought of you and wondered how you were doing. I can’t exactly relate to some of your experiences in Lebanon obviously, but I was in the midst of elections in India, the Maoist takeover of Nepal, and the Naxalites, among other happenings. About a week after I left there was a bombing in the same terminal in the metro that I had just been to. Yet, I feel that Lebanon is a different ballgame. It would be great to share some stories and thoughts about some things that are going on. I actually have a blog/article website as well, but it isn’t really about me. I write about various topics, all about economic, political, and social issues. Feel free to go read sometime..it’s at http://www.zcommunications.org/zspace/trodsu5
I’m currently in New Jersey finishing up my last semester of undergrad at an internship.
Anyways talk to you sometime soon hopefully and I look forward to reading more of your writings
Tim

Comment by Tim

Hey Shadia,

Long time coz. really happy for you, i cant believe that youve been up to so much lately. hehe. yalla keep the good work up and hope to see you soon . i love the picture galleries. and everything included in the email. hopefully next year ill develop your own photographer / profesional website. love/ hugs / kisses. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comment by Zahi Mezher




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